he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
