If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
