stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
