i think my tv is drunk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
