you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
