mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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