then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
