help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
