Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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