I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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