What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
