The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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