I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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