I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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