hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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