you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
