i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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