I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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