Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
