look no pants
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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