I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
