I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
