He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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