Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize