I feel like abortions should bother me more
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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