Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
