Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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