I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think my vagina is haunted
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I wear drunk well.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
