I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
