what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
