Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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