I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
