My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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