my sisters under your porch take her home
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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