hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
