quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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