Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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