I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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