Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
