is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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