he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
