Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize