no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
