Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Randomize
