It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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