I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize