After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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