i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
