you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
