as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
