We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
