i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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