Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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