I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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