Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
