I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
