I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
