think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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