mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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