Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize