HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
