Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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