hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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