He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
