I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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