Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
