why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
